Tuesday, October 30, 2007
My Other Babies
Last Sunday I woke up around 1 am with terrible back pain. It was so bad that I had to get up and pace the floor. I did not want to go to the ER so I just walked around for about an hour before I finally woke Chris up. By that point I was throwing up, crying in pain and could not get comfortable no matter what I did. I ended up taking the baby to mom and dad's and headed down to St Thomas. By the time I had gotten there I could barely stand up, had vomited like 6 times and was miserable. Turns out I had and still have KIDNEY STONES!! I just got a call from my doctor today saying that my CT showed that there are still two more hanging out in there. I have to go to the urologist tomorrow to see what needs to be done. Kidney stone pain really is like labor pain so when those men say that BELIEVE them! It is horrible. And.. do that many women get them? I hear more about men getting them. LUCKY ME! The funny thing is my dad had like 8 of them this summer. Like Father like daughter!!
Halloween 2007
I love Halloween and am so excited that this year I have my own little monster to dress up. She will be a pig and there will be pics to come of that. Chris and I had a wonderful time this past Saturday night at a Halloween party where we dressed up as Raggedy Ann and Andy!I had not dressed up in years and was so excited to do so. I even got to hang out with one of my best friends that was in town from Johnson City that I miss dearly! It was so much fun I even jumped in a moon jump like a big kid. It was so funny because it ended up collapsing with two people inside. I do not think it is made for adults or maybe it is not made for wrestling!Overall we had a great time and stayed out way passed our normal bedtime. Then, when we got home we ended up staying up until 3 am talking. Needless to say we were exhausted the next day. Luckily mom and dad had kept Lyla Brooke and we got to sleep until 9:30.
Monday, October 8, 2007
My Man...
1. Who is your man? Christopher Lee May
2. How long have you been together? 4 years or is it 5 .. that is sad that I cannot remember
3. How long dated? 1 year dated and 8 months engaged
4. How old is your man? 28
5. Who eats more? Chris
6. Who said "I love you" first? I did in the car of my driveway.. he was scared because he had never told any other girl that he loved them before.
7. Who is taller? Chris
8. Who sings better? Neither of us can sing. I think though that he might have me beat.
9. Who is smarter? I am book smarter he is common sense smarter.
10. Whose temper is worse? MINE!! He never yells unless I push him over the edge. He is a very quiet person.
11. Who does the laundry? We both do , but I have more because I stay at home now.
12. Who takes out the garbage? He used to but now it is the person who is nto holding the baby at the time it needs to be empty because our baby CANNOT be put down or else we hear about it.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I used to but once again I had to switch because the baby sleeps on that side on her crib mattress because there is a vent on the other side of the bed and it is too cold for the baby on that side.
14. Who pays the bills? I do I actually like to do it!
15. Who is better with the computer? I am because I am on it all the time. He only gets on to check occ. check his email and to do his fantasy football.
16. Who mows the lawn? The Lawn Mowing People. We do not even own a lawn mower.
17. Who cooks dinner? No one.. we eat easy stuff or eat out.
18. Who drives when you are together? I do and he rides in the back with the baby.
19. Who pays when you go out? We both do because we share our money.. no seperate money in our marriage.
20. Who is most stubborn? ME
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Equal.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine. Chris does not talk to his dad that much and his mom lives in NC.
23. Who kissed who first? That is a funny staory because I kissed him first but I was trying to suprise him while we were sitting ont he couch and I turned really fast to kiss him and he leaned forward and we cracked teeth!
24. Who asked who out? HE asked me!
25. Who proposed? He did. At Opryland Hotel when we went to look at Christmas Lights. It was so perfect.
26. Who is more sensitive? Me I am moody and cry over stuopid stuff
27. Who has more friends? We both have about the same.
28. Who has more siblings? Chris he has two sisters and a brother. I just have one sister.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? WE both do.
2. How long have you been together? 4 years or is it 5 .. that is sad that I cannot remember
3. How long dated? 1 year dated and 8 months engaged
4. How old is your man? 28
5. Who eats more? Chris
6. Who said "I love you" first? I did in the car of my driveway.. he was scared because he had never told any other girl that he loved them before.
7. Who is taller? Chris
8. Who sings better? Neither of us can sing. I think though that he might have me beat.
9. Who is smarter? I am book smarter he is common sense smarter.
10. Whose temper is worse? MINE!! He never yells unless I push him over the edge. He is a very quiet person.
11. Who does the laundry? We both do , but I have more because I stay at home now.
12. Who takes out the garbage? He used to but now it is the person who is nto holding the baby at the time it needs to be empty because our baby CANNOT be put down or else we hear about it.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I used to but once again I had to switch because the baby sleeps on that side on her crib mattress because there is a vent on the other side of the bed and it is too cold for the baby on that side.
14. Who pays the bills? I do I actually like to do it!
15. Who is better with the computer? I am because I am on it all the time. He only gets on to check occ. check his email and to do his fantasy football.
16. Who mows the lawn? The Lawn Mowing People. We do not even own a lawn mower.
17. Who cooks dinner? No one.. we eat easy stuff or eat out.
18. Who drives when you are together? I do and he rides in the back with the baby.
19. Who pays when you go out? We both do because we share our money.. no seperate money in our marriage.
20. Who is most stubborn? ME
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Equal.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine. Chris does not talk to his dad that much and his mom lives in NC.
23. Who kissed who first? That is a funny staory because I kissed him first but I was trying to suprise him while we were sitting ont he couch and I turned really fast to kiss him and he leaned forward and we cracked teeth!
24. Who asked who out? HE asked me!
25. Who proposed? He did. At Opryland Hotel when we went to look at Christmas Lights. It was so perfect.
26. Who is more sensitive? Me I am moody and cry over stuopid stuff
27. Who has more friends? We both have about the same.
28. Who has more siblings? Chris he has two sisters and a brother. I just have one sister.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? WE both do.
MS, treatment and prayer...
As I sit here at 11:00 at night I just have no idea where to begin with this post. I want so badly to write about my sweet Lyla Brooke and post some more of her pictures as I always do. That is why I started this blog in the first place. However, that is not what I feel today. I dont feel joy or excitement or the need to post anything about her . I know that might sound a little strange or almost mean but my spirits are down, my faith tried and my heart burdened. I just want to talk to someone.. say what I feel without a response back. Writing down my feelings on here is the only way that I felt like I could that. Maybe one day I can look back on this blog and this night and see how far I have come .. see how I have changed and have overcome this moment and these feelings.
I spent some very valuable time with my husband tonight talking about how I feel so unsure about God's reason for allowing my body to be overtaken by this illness, and why everyone continues to pray for my healing and believe and know that God has healed me , but yet I cannot feel it. Why is that? My faith not strong enough? My relationship with God not where it is supposed to be? Those were the questions that I asked my husband thinking and hoping that he would have the answer. I knew all along that it was not a question for him to answer but yet something that I needed to discuss with the Father . I know that he allowed this to happen to me for a reason and yet I have not learned of that reason yet. And maybe that is why I continue to battle with this state of mind and this unsureness of his healing touch. Maybe he wants me to use this illness in a way that I have not yet done. If that is so please pray that He will speak to me and that my heart and mind will be open to what he has to say.
I started my treatment on Friday which was what sparked this almost depressed state of mind. The truth is that in starting this treatment the disease became real again. I had not had any treatment or medications or any thought about this illness since Decemeber because of my pregnancy. I had lived my life for 9 months like any other normal person would. Free and with no worries about when my next relapse would be. For some strange reason that they have not yet discovered symptoms of MS disappear when you are pregnant. I lived my life without having to inject my body with a foreign substance that was made in a lab in God knows where. Wow! What a life and what a feeling. Then, just as it had begun it had to end. I had to come back to the realization that I am sick ... my body broken, my mind heavy. I came to the realization that every Friday for the rest of my life I would have to give myself an injection .. an injection that I can not forget to take, an injection that is " supposed " to buy me time. Who is to say that it really even works. I was angry with myself for starting the medication for not just having the faith in God to keep me healthy to allow me to live to an old age. This is where the question of my faith in God came in to play. Why can I just not let go and let God be. Why can I not have just a mustard seed of faith? That is all it takes.. a mustard seed size of faith and yet I do not even have that.
And that is why I am asking for prayer. Prayer for faith, for strength. Prayer for healing, understanding and for comfort. In my heart I know I am safe in the arms of God. I need to learn to lean on God and not my own understanding.
I spent some very valuable time with my husband tonight talking about how I feel so unsure about God's reason for allowing my body to be overtaken by this illness, and why everyone continues to pray for my healing and believe and know that God has healed me , but yet I cannot feel it. Why is that? My faith not strong enough? My relationship with God not where it is supposed to be? Those were the questions that I asked my husband thinking and hoping that he would have the answer. I knew all along that it was not a question for him to answer but yet something that I needed to discuss with the Father . I know that he allowed this to happen to me for a reason and yet I have not learned of that reason yet. And maybe that is why I continue to battle with this state of mind and this unsureness of his healing touch. Maybe he wants me to use this illness in a way that I have not yet done. If that is so please pray that He will speak to me and that my heart and mind will be open to what he has to say.
I started my treatment on Friday which was what sparked this almost depressed state of mind. The truth is that in starting this treatment the disease became real again. I had not had any treatment or medications or any thought about this illness since Decemeber because of my pregnancy. I had lived my life for 9 months like any other normal person would. Free and with no worries about when my next relapse would be. For some strange reason that they have not yet discovered symptoms of MS disappear when you are pregnant. I lived my life without having to inject my body with a foreign substance that was made in a lab in God knows where. Wow! What a life and what a feeling. Then, just as it had begun it had to end. I had to come back to the realization that I am sick ... my body broken, my mind heavy. I came to the realization that every Friday for the rest of my life I would have to give myself an injection .. an injection that I can not forget to take, an injection that is " supposed " to buy me time. Who is to say that it really even works. I was angry with myself for starting the medication for not just having the faith in God to keep me healthy to allow me to live to an old age. This is where the question of my faith in God came in to play. Why can I just not let go and let God be. Why can I not have just a mustard seed of faith? That is all it takes.. a mustard seed size of faith and yet I do not even have that.
And that is why I am asking for prayer. Prayer for faith, for strength. Prayer for healing, understanding and for comfort. In my heart I know I am safe in the arms of God. I need to learn to lean on God and not my own understanding.
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